I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anything so horrible and terrifying in my life. I always thought that the purpose of a playground was to motivate children to play outside. To do this, you want to encourage creativity and nurture happiness. The designers of these playgrounds clearly had something else in mind. I fear for the children whose only option is to frolic among these morbid and disgusting atrocities. If I ever saw children exposed to monstrosities such as these, I think I’d be forced to call child protective services.
1. Fish Food: Just pretend you’re a worm and hang out in that fish’s mouth. It’s good for the imagination.
2. Bad Clown: Really, what’s going on here?
3. Head In Rear: Maybe this is where dad got his famous line, “Go outside and pull your head out of your ….” I think you get the point.
4. Rock Hard Climbing Wall: Good luck reaching the bell at the tip, I mean top, of this climbing wall.
5. Creepy Tree Being: Probably the most horrifying tree house I’ve seen.
6. Witch: She be poppin’ out of playgrounds, snatchin’ up yo’ children.
7. Creepy Green Eyed Guy: There is something about the green eyes and evil unibrow watching your children play that’s a little unsettling.
8. Dead Octopus:
9. Pig Juggs: It’s not the fat pig that’s bothering me, it’s the prominence of the nipples and the exposure.
10. Giant Rat Trap:
11. The Jack in the Box Gets To Relax: It appears that there’s a forced stop in Uncle Jack’s lap. That’s not okay.
12. The Animals Are On Drugs: Let this serve as a reminder that you should always hire professional artists to paint children’s playthings. You don’t want your happy critters to look this strung out.
13. Guy Slide: Okay. We’re going to play hide and seek. You go hide your face between the slides and count to ten, then come find us. I’m not playing.
14. Snail Bars: What is this? I’m seeing monkey bars with a twist… and an expert level of difficulty.
15. Horrified House Slides: Totally looks like panic-stricken homes are being violated.
16. Evolution?: I can’t even begin to understand where the logic comes from on this. Seriously, someone please explain it to me.
17. Disturbing Doctor: Tiny mouth with creepy teeth, giant needle or maybe a thermometer. Nope, I have no idea why the kids are afraid of the doctor.
18. Three Creepy Little Pigs: I guess this one is teaching the kids to play the bad guy once in a while. By the looks of things, they’ve absolutely terrified the pigs with their big bad wolf impersonation.
19. Tongue Slide: If this is supposed to be the elephant’s trunk, you’re totally doing it wrong.
20. Giant Bug: What is with the teeth and mouths on these things?
21. Crazy Praying Mantis: Six or eight legs, four arms, a few 5 gallon water jugs, big eyes and creepy teeth. Yeah, the kids will love it.
22. Genghis Khan: Really? Who thought Genghis Khan would be a fun playground playmate?
23. Devil’s Mouth: It’s okay honey, Satan’s not really here for your soul. He’s just misunderstood.
24. Beheaded Frog: Where’d the head go? I bet that creepy guy ate it.
25. Tortured Giant:Go play in that buried guy’s mouth. Just watch out for the red ants and scorpions.
26. Satan’s Merry Go Round: Who doesn’t want to get sickeningly dizzy while staring a demon in the face?
27. Tetanus Hazard: Sharp pieces of corroded steel have no place on a playground.
28. Abandoned Water Park: I hope it’s an abandoned water park. Either that, or it’s a carnie daycare center gone wrong.
29. Swing From A Noose: I can’t see this one ending well.
30. Alien Altar: I didn’t know aliens had tails. They sure did make quick work of decapitating that giant stone woman.
31. Evil Sorcerer: And you thought bears were scary.
32. Fat Pig: I can’t help but think about horror films when I see a random pig head, but whatever floats your boat.
33. Creepy Sculptures: You got the giant hands, teeter totter on the pig’s wood, or the creepy dude from Saw. Choices, choices, choices.
34. Creepy Monkey or Sad Teletubby: I’m not sure of the intent, but I’m saying they missed the mark.
35. Exit The Elephant: No kid, don’t go back up there.
No wonder we can’t get the kids to go outside and play anymore. With playground structures like these, your children are destined to have lengthy psychiatric bills and extensive emotional scarring. I mean, teaching your kids that life isn’t all sunshine and flowers is one thing, but exposing them to these horrors is quite another. What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments.