I want you to take a minute to look around. Look at the items surrounding you and say their name out loud. Now, ask yourself if you know why it’s called that. For example, there is a can in front of me. Why is it called a can? What does the word ‘can’ actually mean? What else is called a can? The definition of can is an ability, a container for drinks, a trash receptacle, my backside, etc. I don’t think they really thought this one through. Currently, I’m looking at a can while sitting on my can, next to a can. One is in front of me, one is beneath me, and one is beside me. This is pretty confusing. Seriously, am I the only one that looks around and wonders how things actually got their names? I think it usually comes down to the item’s origin, functionality, or an attempt at adequate marketing. What is it going to take to make this item sell? Sometimes, years down the road, people find that there has been a grave mistake in the original naming and something just has to be done. These 23 items have humorously been renamed and it’s up to you to decide whether the new names are an improvement, or if we should just stick with the original.
1. Air Horn or Spray Scream? I am sure that air horn was an adequate name for it before the popularization of prank videos on YouTube. Now I think that spray scream, or any number of expletives, would be a better name.
2. Bathtub or Reverse Boat? Clever. Boats float on the water, water floats in the reverse boat. I think I’ll stick with what it is, a tub for bathing.
3. Bicycle or Acoustic Motorbike? I’m kinda diggin’ on the acoustic motorbike thing. After all, bicycle just means it has two wheels, right?
4. Books or Manual Films? Perhaps this name change could inspire generations to read. Maybe the hipsters would prefer them to be called ‘Retro Movies’? I was totally watching retro movies before they were even named!
5. Bottled Water or Snowman Blood? I’m sure you could slap a sticker of Charlie Sheen on here and make a mint. Save the tigers! From now on, I’m only drinking snowman blood!
6. Bracelets or Clockless Watches? Isn’t that the same thing as an Apple Watch, only cheaper? Wait. What? That thing has a watch too? Uh, please ignore that previous statement.
7. Camel or Sand Moose? Sand moose? Really? I’d like to see someone outfit a moose to be ridden and used as a pack animal. Ain’t gonna happen!
8. Merry-Go-Round or Horse Tornado? Definitely horse tornado! Interesting fact, I just found out the difference between a carousel and a merry-go-round is that the merry-go-round only has horses while a carousel has different animals as characters on the ride. You learn something new every day.
9. Cemetery or Campground For Dead People? This is either going to scare your kids from EVER wanting to go camping, or scare the crap out of you when they really, really want to go.
10. Couch or People Shelf? Before the invention of the couch, people had to crouch. If you took the OUCH out of crouch, you’d just have ‘cr’. That’d be a horrible name.
11. Feather or Bird Leaf? I’m liking bird leaf. Feather is a horrible hairstyle from the 80’s.
12. Fries or Potato Sticks? Potato sticks is the winner in my book. Fries? What are fries? Pretty much anything that is fried! As far as calling them french fries, that comes from the Irish. To french means to cut. With all this politically correct crap nowadays, isn’t that just a little racist?
13. Gloves or Finger Pants? I’m going to vote neither. Pants aren’t called leg pants, so maybe these should be called ‘hand pants’. What do you think?
14. Ice or Water With Corners? Either one will have to do. I mean, if we called it hard water, people would just get confused thinking there’s lots of minerals in the water. Maybe we need to re-think that hard water and soft water naming convention.
15. Kangaroo or T-Rex Deer? T-Rex deer definitely sounds more amazing! In my mind, this is what they shall be known as from this day forth!
16. Kittens or Cat Puppies? Cat puppies are totally going to win points with the dog lovers. I’d take a cat puppy over a kitten any day!
17. Milk or Cereal Water? I hear that a lot of people have problems with their kids drinking milk. Say the word ‘milk’ out loud a few times and you’ll realize that it doesn’t sound very appetizing. The kids will be okay if you just tell them it’s cereal water.
18. Ribs or Porksicles? Talk about appetizing. Do you really want to visualize the part of the animal that you’re eating? I don’t think so. I’ll be serving porksicles at my next BBQ!
19. Sheep or Land Cloud? Land cloud would be a pretty cool name until their wool was harvested. Then you’d have to call them a shaved land cloud and that’s just weird!
20. Shoes or Foot Bags? Who knows where the word shoe came from or what it really means? All I know, is that it’s going to be pretty difficult to market the fashionable foot bags. This one is failing whichever way you look at it.
21. Sliced Bread or Raw Toast? Raw toast or toast in the raw almost sounds like a delicacy that you would be able to charge extra for at a restaurant.
22. Spider or Land Octopus? Spiders have such a negative stigma. Perhaps calling a spider a land octopus would add an element of mysticism to the creatures that would make them slightly more appealing.
23. Tissues or Sneeze Paper? Tissues? I thought they were called Kleenex. I guess that’s just good branding. As I have always called toilet paper ‘butt wipe’, I’m willing to give ‘sneeze paper’ a shot!
There are so many things with a strange name that there is definitely some room for improvement. Take a few minutes to look around and find items with weird names. Use the comments section to post your discoveries and possibilities for improvements to their names!